Do You Use Your Car to Compensate
for an Inadequate Sex-Life?
Have you ever heard
the phrase "He drives such a nice car; I wonder what he's compensating
for?" Less fancy cars may mean less of a compensation, but they're
still often a compensation nonetheless. Many historians have noted
the connection between America's puritanical origins and how the country
leads the world in car usage. This compensation phenomenon has become
so prevalent lately it has captured the attention of psychiatrists, who
refer to it as Self-Opposing Sexual Automobile Delusional Syndrome.
To see if you have SO SADS, take the following test:
1) I sometimes talk about
cars with my friends and love interests:
I wash my car when it gets dirty, and I like having it buffed and waxed:
Inserting a pump into my gas tank and "filling 'er up" gives me a sense
I'd rather be seen in a top of the line Mercedes than a Chevy Chevette:
Add up your number
of True responses:
I feel free to use the horn whenever I want to capture someone's attention.
I prefer driving to walking, cycling or using public transit.
I'd be willing to shell out thousands of dollars just for a car.
0: You're healthy.
1-2: No cause for alarm,
but it couldn't hurt to re-examine some of your beliefs.
3-4: You have SO SADS.
Stop watching car commercials immediately.
5-7: You have an acute case.
Inquire at local hospitals about brain transplant surgery.
This flyer is part of the celebration
of the bicycle. We ride every last Friday of the month to protest
our society's obsession with the personal automobile. Yes, it is
more fun than being stuck up in a car, and it is faster. If you would
like more information about Critical Mass e-mail autosaurus
(This flyer is stolen from the Philadelphia
Critical Mass Web Site which was a beautiful thing but now no longer exists. It was at http://www.thud.org/0597.htm)